So this is my life now. Okay.

     For the past few months, I've been telling people my plans. At college, if anyone asked about summer plans I'd mention it. When I got home, every person at church asked "So are you home for the summer, orrrrr....?" and I'd have to explain. When my friends would forget, and I would have to remind them, I confirmed these plans. I've said it so many times to so many people; I've said it with such assurance, too. So...how did it not hit me until today? Maybe its the confirmation I (finally) received from the consulate, or maybe it's the realization that I need new luggage, or the fact that the number of days has finally hit single digits. Whatever it is, the reality of the situation has hit me: in seven days I will leave my home in southeastern Nebraska and fly to South America, where I will be staying in Valparaiso de Chile for the next four months.
     I had that moment where I had to sit myself down and say, "This is actually happening. It's a real thing. It's a really, really scary real thing." I'm going to be in a country where I know no one. It's a country where I only sort of speak the language (my mother says I'm more fluent than I give myself credit, but no matter how much I've studied, I don't feel quite ready). Not to mention, I'll be living in a city larger (and filled with far more petty theft) than I've ever lived in for any period of time. But as my dad pointed out today, even getting to this point, has not been exactly a cake walk, but God has had his hand in every step along the way.
     First, there was the application. I showed interest in the study abroad program this semester, but didn't know what to do. So I talked with my Spanish professor about it. We agreed it would be good to talk with my advisor as well.  However, by the time I'd been able to meet with my (truly wonderful) Spanish professor and then the two of us meet with my (equally wonderful) advisor I barely had time left to get the application in, but I had just enough time to get it in before the deadline. I received my acceptance from the International Studies program, leaving just enough time to finish all the paperwork and required orientation material from my college's International Studies Office.
     But that wasn't all, no not nearly. Then there was the waiting. Waiting for the FBI Background Check to come back. As soon as I was able, I sent the application form away. They said 4-8 weeks. That's a huge window. And the bigger the window, the longer to start to worry. At three weeks I was hopeful that the clearance would arrive in the mail in time. At four weeks I was a little nervous. At five weeks I was downright anxious. By six weeks I was a little more than a (very disappointed) kid at Christmas whenever the mail would come: "Is it here!?!! Is it here?!!!" Finally I was given a phone number to call to check on the status. They told me it would be another week or so, but the deadline for the visa application was approaching so I knew I had to do something. I talked with my contacts at the international studies program and they said that if I talked with the consulate, they would often work around the lack of an FBI clearance if I would bring it with me upon collection of the Visa. I called the consulate. They would indeed.
     So, yet another application was mailed away, this time to Chicago, where they said I would receive email confirmation of the packet's arrival. The USPS was tracking this package and they said it arrived in two days. This was fine since it was well ahead of the final deadline for visa application submission. I didn't get any confirmation from the consulate though. So I emailed them, sure that they'd have some information. Nothing. No response came. So I waited. And stewed with worry. My FBI background check came in the mean time, but I had bigger fish to fry at that point. And of course by fry I mean worry about. And of course by fish I meant application packets. A good week passed before I finally received any response from the consulate. By that point, the deadline was ONE day from passing and I was praying that I would be able to go. They finally told me it'd been received and that it was marked the day it arrived so if the USPS said it was there a week ago, they'd be sure to consider that when looking at deadlines. Then they said the processing time would be about two weeks.
     Two weeks?! I could only hope that by two weeks they meant from the time the packet was received, because if it meant the day I got the email confirmation of the packet's delivery, I'd be spending the entire 24 hour period before I left for South America in transit between my home, Chicago (since you apparently have to pick visas up in person, who knew right?), then to Omaha where I was scheduled to fly out!
     Let me tell you, I was a worrying machine. If worrying were an Olympic event, I'd be in London right now, preparing (probably by worrying about how I'd do). It was then, about two days ago, when I  was emailed by the consulate telling me my application had been approved that I finally could breathe a sigh of relief. But it wasn't until my dad said something, that I remembered how wrong I'd been going about this. He said that maybe all this stress before hand was God's way of showing me that he was in control. That he would take care of me and that everything was going to work out. I had been praying that it would all work out, that deadlines would be met, that I would be in the right place at the right time, but I realized, I wasn't so much asking as I was openly worrying at God. Instead, I should've trusted His timing, not hoped that my own hyper-vigilance would somehow save me. I needed to let go. I was reminded of that one passage in Matthew chapter 6:


²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

Could I, by worrying ensure the safe arrival of the applications? Could I, have gotten myself to Chile by stressing and making myself sick? No. That part just made me worried, stressed, and sick. God had my back the whole time.

I know this has been said a billion times, I've heard it about half a million as many and I'm sure to hear half a million more iterations, but the things that really matter (and the things that really don't) are all in God's control. I needed to put my life in His hands. I mean it already was, I just had to accept that. So when I sat myself down today, suddenly struck with the reality of my situation, I said to myself, "This is actually happening. It's a real thing. It's a really, really scary real thing. But God's got this. So this is my life now. Okay. I'll let You take care of me, because you always have and always will." So though I don't know what He has been preparing me for with this ordeal, I don't need to worry about it. God will make sure that it all works out, according to His plan. So this is my life now. And I'm not worried.